MONICA

Last Friday, August 27, my husband and I attended our daily noontime mass at the St. Paul Parish.  To my surprise, the officiating priest announced that it was the Feast Day of St. Monica.  Immediately, I felt a girlish pleasure in knowing that it was my feast day (My name Monique is short for Monica), like it was some sort of mini-birthday and a minor celebration was in order.  And then the priest went on to announce that St. Monica is the patron saint of all mothers!?!  I looked incredulously at my husband, and felt the weight a self-imposed burden.  I thought, why couldn't she be the patron saint of writers?  impulsive shoppers?  Or chocolate addicts?  Why did I have to be named after a woman whose specialty is a vocation for which I still have so many inadequacies?  That day, going down the steps of St. Paul, I promised that I would research on the life of St. Monica, and find out the little-known details that make her less of a saint and more of a mortal being, the stuff that makes her more like...ME.

1.  Monica prayed for the conversion of her pagan husband Patricius.  My husband is no pagan.  Never was.  Yet in the first 9 years of our marriage, I prayed for his conversion.  My husband liked to drink.  Alcohol.  A lot of it.  And in his drunken stupor, he would always behave like a fool, no, like an idiot.  And the morning after, he would completely forget about the night before.  And then ask forgiveness.  And then everything would be ok again, until the next drinking bout.  The ninth year was the toughest.  Literally, all I had was a prayer.  And that was all it took.  That year, he was called to be a full-time worker for Gawad Kalinga.  And God just blocked every road to alcohol without me lifting a finger.  As we close in on our 20th year of marriage, I will not pretend that the 11-year journey to sobriety has been alcohol-free.  But certainly it has been marked by self-control and moderation, and on occasion,  with a drink shared with me.  The prayer of a faithful wife for spousal conversion is always answered.  The key word is: faithful.   

2.  The conversion of Monica's son St. Augustine took nine years, and a friendship with Bishop Ambrose.  Other than Patricius, her son Augustine was Monica's greatest thorn at her side.  When the rebellious Augustine left for Milan in Italy, he came under the fatherly care of Bishop Ambrose.  And after 9 heartbreaking years of unrelenting prayers from Monica, Augustine eventually saw the light and the good bishop solemnized the future saint's Christian baptism.  Oh Saint Monica, high five on the 9 years!  In a bizarre way, I thank God for this parallelism that I share with my namesake.  And Bishop Ambrose is actually two people in my husband's life.  Joey Mempin and Tony Meloto.  The two of you unwittingly brought my husband to his second baptism, one of the spirit and not of water, and one that changed his life forever.    

3.  Monica was caught "wine-bibbing" by her parents.  What a relief - she was not holy ALL her life.  When she was a teenager, one of her household tasks was to draw dinner wine for her parents from the cellar.  Unbenownst to them, she would take curious sips that escalated to a daily swig, and before she knew it, she was a boozer.  One day, a family slave caught her in the act.  Shamed by her drunken ways, she gave up the habit and went cold turkey.  There began a life of self-control and virtue.  My parents regularly read this blog.  And today, I will admit to them that my "study groups" in college were not ALWAYS about studying, and there were occasions of "wine-bibbing" as well.  Unlike Monica, though, my penance was not prompted by being caught by any of our yayas.  I may have escaped my parents' wrath, but intoxication stared me in the face in the first 9 years of my marriage.  And while I am not even close to Monica's life of holiness, at the very least I have learned two lessons from this indiscretion.  One, the consequence of disobeying one's parents will eventually catch up with you, regardless of age.  And two, pray that the debt of parental disobedience is NOT paid through your own children.

4.  The life of Monica is read in the voluminous writings of St. Augustine.  The details of Monica's life are found in Book 9 of St. Augustine's major literary work entitled Confessions.  Other than that, not much information is available on her life.  I believe that it is every mother's dream to have her life "written" in the life of her children.  At one point in our life as mothers, we prefer anonymity and relinquish all our dreams of glory to our children.  Some women leave behind acts of greatness as their legacy - a work of art, a successful corporate career, a string of philantrophic works.  But many of us mothers simply leave behind our children as our personal legacy, hoping and praying that: 1) the world is better off because we raised our children well; and 2) they will do a better job than we did.  Like Monica, my hope and prayer is for people to know me through my children.

5.  "Nothing is far from God".  These were the words of Monica when asked where she wanted to be buried.  Her original plan was to be buried in her homeland of Tagaste.  But she fell ill in Ostia, Italy, and her children were contemplating how to transport her should the end come.  She was quick to assure her children that her burial place did not matter because "Nothing is far from God".  I realize now that my children may have a similar quandary as I have two homes - Davao and Manila.  I leave this message to them: "Nothing is far from God".  Do not trouble yourself about determining the politically correct resting place for my mortal body, because this is immaterial.  Do what is most practical and be comforted by the thought that Mommy is with God, and that is all that matters.

Monica, your life rocks.  With your name, I carry the responsibility of your saintly motherhood.  Hope you put in a good word for all the women on the planet named Monica.  Hats off to you and see you in the next life.

Note to self:  Ask my children to name at least one of my grandchildren Monica.