BREATHE

Two days after my surgery last June 10, 2010, the country celebrated Independence Day on June 12.  Ironically, I will remember this as the day when I realized that our life is totally and utterly DEPENDENT on a loving and all-knowing God.  Shortly before dinner, I started gasping for breath, and experienced a drowning sensation that panicked my husband and set off alarms at the Nurses' Station.  Connected to an IV infusion, oxygen tank and an oxygenator (I think that's what they call this electronic contraption that tells you if your body is receiving sufficient oxygen), I lay there, so aware of the fact that independence is just an illusion, and every breath is a gift.  Two months and two medical emergencies later, doctors have not been able to give me an explanation for this phenomenon, at least not one that I can really believe in.  To this day, I experience episodes of labored breathing and pray for each precious breath.

  Doctors and friends have been kind enough to teach me a lot of breathing exercises to restore the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in my body, which they say is the physiological reason for this ongoing condition.  Then I thought, maybe respiration is more than just the breathing in and breathing out of air?  Maybe the quality of our existence lies in the inhalation of everything that life has to offer everyday, which is inextricably followed by exhalation so that others may also breathe?

Wake up in the morning.  As soon as eyes open, kids plant a good morning kiss on my cheek.  INHALE

Give them a goodbye hug as Dad takes them off to school.  Offer a special blessing to each one.  EXHALE

Read daily prayer devotionals and talk to God as if I was talking to my Dad...because He actually is.  INHALE, INHALE, INHALE

Have breakfast conversation with husband, just him and me.  Hmmm, I like this INHALE.

On the short drive to work (To my family and friends in Manila and other urban cities on this planet - any drive in Davao City is short!), look at people, sun (or occasionally, rain), sky. Then look into the car visor mirror, put on my make-up (Yup, I do it in the car), and tell myself that God has something beautiful in store for me today.  INHAAAAAAALE.

Get to the office and interact with employees.  Listen to their stories.  INHALE.  Answer their questions, applaud their good work, allay their fears, teach them lessons that I too learned, either from making the same mistakes myself, or from unselfish mentors and teachers.  EXHALE.  Close a new contract.  Happy INHALE.  Treasure the new client, not just his or her business, but also their friendship.  EXHALE.

Get a call from family member in Manila or from the U.S. I have to confess, unexpected calls especially on busy work days (which sadly included Saturdays and even Sundays in my past life) were sometimes inconvenient disruptions to my routine.  But in this my second life, any long distance moment with my family is an INHALE moment.

Go to noon mass. INHALE.  Offer mass to friend who is having a hysterectomy today.  EXHALE.  Have lunch date with husband.  INHALE.

Fetch children from school.  INHALE.  Gently control the traffic of stories from three children who are equally excited to share the day's events.  EXHALE.  Listen closely to every story, not just with undivided attention, but with genuine gusto. INHALE.

Family conversation over dinner.  Exchange highs and lows of the day.  INHALE.

Hot shower.  INHALE.  Write this post.  INHALE, EXHALE.

NOTE TO SELF:  Practice this breathing exercise everyday, until it becomes as natural as, what else? Breathing.