PINK - Lessons from my Sixteen Year Old Daughter

Dear Kimie,

Last April 18, you celebrated your sixteenth birthday.   And while this letter comes four days late, it is my prayer that its message will be timeless, and will remain with you long after Dad and I go into eternal retirement.

Why Pink?  It used to be your favorite color when you were no more than three feet high.  As you got older, you outgrew your fetish for this shade of rose in favor of the more somber blue, black and grey.  But for mothers like me, a part of us always shuts out the reality that our daughters are all grown-up and ready to take on the world.  So in this tiny space in my heart, you my dear Kimie, will always be PINK.   

Traditional mother-teenage daughter relationships are anchored on maternal intelligence, wherein age and experience trump the adolescent’s own sense of what is good and true.  But I would like to believe that our bond defies tradition.   And that many, many times, at your tender, tender age, I have silently learned lessons from you – about life and living, love and loving, and everything else in between.

And today I share some of the lessons that you have taught me, hoping that as other mothers read this letter, they too will discover the nuggets of wisdom buried in the hearts and minds of their own children.

And the First will be Last.  Not only are you my first born child.  You are also the first among eight grandchildren on my side of the family.  In the short fifteen months before Reesa was born, your doting parents, grandparents, aunts and uncle flocked around you like adoring fans, cheered your every milestone and showered you with extravagant gifts.  And even as our family grew, you continue to enjoy the entitlements typical of the firstborn.  But rather than flaunt your birthright, you have chosen to take the high road, taking on your place in our family hierarchy as a responsibility more than a privilege.  In many situations with your siblings I have seen you at the crossroads of asserting your seniority or demonstrating your humility.  And each time, I silently watched you make the more difficult yet nobler choice.  As an eldest child myself, I have yet to measure up to your shining example that part of being first is learning to be last. 

 

Mother Knows Best – Even if She Doesn’t.  My mood swings are not very pleasant – just ask your Dad. When I get into a fit, I become irrational, irritable and unreasonable.  And sadly, there are days when you are at the receiving end of it.  But not once in your sixteen years did you ever meet my angry words head-on – never.  Instead, you choose to diffuse my rage with your quiet calm, putting me to shame just as soon as the first words of fury leave my lips.  And when I apologize, you are so quick to forgive, always acknowledging that no circumstance will ever change the fact that I am your mother and you will always show me respect, even during the times that I feel so undeserving of it.

 Not all of Your Clothes Have to be Pink or White, Mom.  I know Kim.  Believe me, I’m trying.

Sometimes, All You Want from Me is to Shut Up and Do Nothing.  Forgive me, but it's just my maternal instinct.  Every time you are in pain, I go on problem-solving mode and do everything – ANYTHING – to make your pain go away.  Who did this to you? Let me talk to her.  They’re showing your favorite movie at SM.  You want to go shopping?  And with a forced smile, you shake your head each time, your tear-stained eyes gently yet firmly telling me: Mom, just leave me alone and I will be ok.  And for me, this is probably one of the toughest lessons that a mother could learn from her daughter, because it is two steps away from having to let you go. 

 

My dear child, the rest of your life awaits you.  A year from now, you will be off to college.  A career and marriage are not far down the road.  But before that happens, I have one request of you.  Let a part of you stay forever PINK.  The biblical color of child-like faith, the floral color of youth, the color of love and tenderness, the color of my heart where forever you will be.